song: motherland by crystal K
for: my own silence. so death would know my pathetic desire...



"until my wish comes true, I'll remain with a smile
and look at the stars, praying, and will be here"






guess what i was up too the whole sem break?



rap and i we're talking and texting (ilang months na kaya ba puro siya? wow.), bumming around,eating and watching!


hmm for the times i was with rap it's either we're:
a. on the bed
b. watching tv
c. texting as usual
d. teasing each other
e. playing dota
f. on an anime marathon


vincent (ilabyu tawaga! kudos for the cd's... Full metal panic FUMOFFU naman poh! hai!^^,)
lend me anime vcd's.I WAS HOOKED AT FULL METAL ALCHEMIST. while i was watching... all that came in my head are
these words:

"you can't gain somthing without sacrificing something."


alchemist+ automail+ elements+ transmutation+chimeras+
military+ talking armor+ midget+ psychos+ forbidden art
+ people dying+ homonculus+ philospher's stone= RAMON CHRISTIAN LIM.


when i was watching FMA all i can say is "ICHAAAAAAAAN! ASAN KA NA!? huhuhu!"
when i was watching that anime,i really can't get the story. i wanted to text ichian
but my phone was reformatted and i lost all contacts! super nangigil na ako for every episode!
until i told myself.. "ok tin, tulog ka na ng 10... no, 11. ay! extend uli, 1 ka na matulog."
i was surprised at myself because i slept around 2 AM? for 2 days? just to finish all 51
super cool episodes of full metal alchemist!!!


when i can't contact ramch to tell him about my full metal alchemist trivia questions (aaw, depressing
talaga ichian.) guess who's at my side? walang kamatayang si RAP!^^, i'm so happy. well aside from teasing me,
he always "hung" his texts!!! argh! i wanna kill him! suspense ang lolo mo!T_T
but he answered it all and i was able to figure out most of the the things in that anime.
kakoii!!! haha.


i rembered the times when i was talking to ramch and we would hung up for a while
cause he's gonna watch FMA. i was really pissed everytime he did that... and now,
i found out the reason why he hangs up or WHY HE LIKES IT SOOO MUCH!!! too bad, rap told me
"wala ng fma sa animax. sayang" aaw. sayang talaga.


hai hai! when i drop by at ichian's blog i really feel exited! it reminds me of fullmetal alchemist!
as in super philosophical type yung anime na yun i rate it 9 out of 10!!! i LOVE FMA..
(specially Ed, roy mustang and black hayate!!! ang cute lang!:*) hahaha.


one of the parts i liked about fma? was the 51st episode. ok. ed was half naked in there with
all the transmutation circles around him and on his body...


what touched me is when he touched his chest with his two hands to bring al back... aaaw. ain't that sweet!?

aaaaaaaaaaaaaw!!! drama!!! i can't wait to buy FMA the movie. rap told me that it was the closing story
for the FMA episodes!!! waaaaah!




ok. addik na tim tama na.haha. i'm bumming myself in anime. har har.



ahahahahahahaha! he's so nice. and now... i wonder if... i still like him?





now i knew why i liked rap, he reminds me of this person..


this one person who is super timid.

he did not want to show his feelings for others.

he doesn't say much. he likes silence.

makulit din pag kasama mga kabarkada niya.

he likes anime. he says super sarcastic coments.

but when you take a look at it he makes sense.(that's what's so annoying)



these 2 guys...

made me cry. both reckless. they like to day dream.

always make me worry. in spite of my worries they make me look

that i should not worry about them. both are STUPID and INSENSITIVE

because... they don't know that.. i... have always LIKED THEM.





that's why i love death wish and i love the "otokoto no sagashitte" (if i told the translation?
everyone would know who he is. hush!:*)




incongruent cues (HCP daw ba?) guess who.. i bet one of them read this already.(die tin die.)
(PS. i can't afford to post all of these in my friendster blog. he might read all of these, oh men i'm
so dead.)





last one... parehas kami na 7:30-4:30 schedule. and we both have PHC2 every saturday from 7:00-5:00...
^______________^



are we destined to have the same freekin schedule? am i destined to see him? what faith...
what luck.. or should i say...


the start of my sweet death...




heneral at master asaran #23


master: di kita lubos na maintindihan. maari ka bang
makipagtalastasan sa akin sa wikang taglog?
heneral: ayoko nga!
master: ok... matandang mahilig!
heneral: fine! at least magaling!
master: uhm... sino hokage? sinong mas cute? sinong mas
malakas? sinong mas sexy? sino mas magaling? ano?
ako ba yun? THANKS!
heneral: yada yada yada.
master: *can't hear you*
henral: *sleeping*
master: *drooling* uh-huh...0_o?
heneral: *still sleeping*
master: err... *not buying it*
heneral: *still sleeping*
master: boring *change lines matandang mahilig*
u'r really getting old... *sigh*
heneral: *having a good draem*
master: *sigh*
heneral: *the good dream continues*
master: *gets watch; times sleep*
heneral: *the dream gets better*
master: *after 10 years, he's still not waking up*
heneral: *having the best dream ever* *smiles*
master: *tin puts signpost: "prince" asleep, P500 per kiss*
heneral: waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! wag gising na ako! hehe.



and.... i'm stll overwhelmed... *walang masabi,* nakakatawa talaga. :*


1. Name: justine
2. Middle Name: cutaran
3. Location: frisco qc (eventually haha)
4. Place of Birth: frisco qc
6. Male or Female: secret. FEMALE!
7. Bus: cagsawa (yeyeye.)
8. stauts: single... (yet taken in my dreams.)
9. Occupation: psycho nursing student striving to screw ass/
10. Initials: jrc
11. Screen Name: xhiayo

. Your Appearance :

12. Hair Color : plack
13. Hair Length: shoulder length
15. Best Feature: eyes; dimples (sabi nila. eh it looks so abnormal.)
16. Height: 5’2.5"
18. Glasses: yep. got broken.
19. shoe size: 6 (liit!)
20. eye color: dark brown.

Your Firsts

22. First best friend: angela
23. First day: ---
24. First Sport You Joined: Volleyball
25. First thing you did today: text
26: First thing you ate today: badi and ice cream (ealk, eekie combo no?)
27. First thing you said today: goodmorning. :)
28. First fight: grade 2

Favorites

29. Movie: sleepy hollow and forest gump.
30. TV Show: grey's anatomy, desperate housewifes, anime
31. color: yellow, pink, sky blue
32. Rock Band: urbandub, sandwich. \m/
33. Place to get groceries: sm or cvc
34. Food: chinese and italian
35. Season: summer
36. Candy: snickers, raisinets, hersyes, strawberrybelts, marshmallows.
37. Sport: volley and badmin
38. Restaurant: chilli's

42. Animal: dogs
43. Book(s): any mystery, horror and teenybopper books.
44. Magazine: the cosmo.
45. Doing before you started this
survey: talking to ralph.
46. Thinking: how i wish i was in manila this sat.
47. Wearing: pink shirt and brown shorts.
48. Crying bout: AJA!
49. Eating: none at the moment
50. Drinking: nonthing,
51. Typing: this survey.
53. Listening To: motehrland by crystal k
54. Thinking about: a lot of things
55. Wanting: to transfer and quick!
56. Watching: none.

Future

57. Where do you see yourself in 5 yrs? a nurse?
59. Want to be Married: YES!
60. Career in Mind: DOCTOR

Which is Better with the Opposite Sex

63. Hair color: black as i like it
64. Hair length: yung MALINIS TIGNAN
65. Eye color: dar brown
66. Measuremnts: as long as he's 5'5-5'11
67. Cute or sexy: CUTE (definetly)
68. Lips or Eyes: EYES
69. Hugs or Kisses: hugs. ^^,
70.Short or Tall: PWEDE BOTH? jowke. anything.
71. Easygoing or serious: easy going!
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: romantic
73. Good or Bad: GOOD.
75. Hook-up or Relationship: realtionship
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant one: THE HESITANT

Have You Ever

78. Kissed a Stranger: NOPE
79. Had surgery:none
80. Gone commando: none
81. Ran Away From Home: nope
82. Broken a bone: nope. ligament yes.
83. Got an X-ray: nope.
84. Been on a cruise: nope.
85. Danced: yes.
86. Dumped someone: YES! a LOT OF TIMES!
87. Cried When Someone Died:nope.
88. Cried At School: yep.

Do You Believe In

89. God: OO NAMAN
90. Miracles: yes
91. Love at First Sight: no
92. Ghost: YES!!
93: Aliens: no
94. Soul Mates:no
95. Heaven: YES
96. Hell: YES
97. Answered prayers: YES
98. Kissing on The First Date: no
99. Horoscopes: slight

Answer Truthfully

100. Is there someone you wish you had?
yes... and i wish i can still see him.


zudoarichikitoku=justine (tae, ang haba.) i wanted to go to manila. grabd reunion daw this saturday sabi ni chi na sinabi ni pinuno.T-T ralph's goin to manila today. eh he's on pamps lang so that's 2 hours lang. grrrnesss... i want to play dota na.


hai. ralph again. swear. i can't believe i'm saying this pero mukang sawa na ako. hahahaha. hai. ewan. i'm not rushing or anything. i guess i figured out na life is just like this... smooth... bitter... clear....

uhm, i'm supposed to write about my FMA escapades and remembering ichian (cuz he likes it sooooo much!) but... i guess, this should go first.

about a boy in darkness (kasi nga heneral bakit nga ba?)... who i like so much.


this is how he describes himself...(i just got this from him. hahaha.)

[darkness locked up inside]
[it never withers it never fades]
[it just stays, rapidly grows]

[thyself's stuggling yet never suffice]
[loneliness tolls, happiness drops..]
[himself is gone from sadness' harsh]

*deathwish*

-he seldom says a word. why is he like this?O_o? hai hai fuku shire!(heneral!) hotoni anata wo bakara, hentai suki, oyajiji soshte erro kappa!!!>_< beh! sana naman ingatan mo sarili mo! BAKARA!!!... (you're getting me all worried...)

beh! okay. that't it! you... you know whou you are! lague mo nalang ako inaasar. tapos may *pitik sa noo* heneral, ganon na ba talaga? :'(... anyhoo... he said i get that treatment becasue i'm special (specaial=retraded daw)...>_<... ahahahaha. i've been talking to him for almost a MONTH na.T_T as in! when you look at my inbox all your gonna see are happy faces. oh yeah. that's him!:)



hai. i got totalk to dikong! (by the way his friendster pic is cute. if you view it i'm kissing him. but when you view all me and grace are kissing him! haha!^^,)


he's so nice. he's supporting me all the way to you know who. he says i should tell him. i said,

me:dikong di ko talaga kaya. i'd rather keep it to myself.
mr. kikiam: tin sabihin mo na okay lang yun at malay mo naapreciate niya yung ginagawa mo.
me: dikong di talaga. feeling ko nga di niya naapreciate eh. tapos 1 sem nalang baka di ko na siya makita. :(
mr. kikiam: alam mo ang swerte ni ***** kasi bihira lang makakita ng babaeng tulad mo.
me: what do you mean?
mr kikiam: yung tipong grabe magmahal. kung di lang kita kaibigan niligawan na kita.
me: thanks dikong for the support! i feel so down talaga sa kanya. :'(
mr kikiam: love mo talaga siya no? okay lang yan tin. dito ako samahan kita.

aaaaw. na touch talaga ako kay dikong. he's soooooooooo nice. ay! by the way dikong and daming mong fans!!!^^, may code name ka pa nga daw. yiiiiiiiiiiie.... i luv yah!!! *hugs* sabay sabay ah? sa 23 ah? hahahaha.^^,



anyhoo... i looked at the pix sa multiply... wow!!! thanks francis!!! what ta great day!!!^^,



check this one..

me: hi chichi!
chi: tiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!!! hhhhhhhhhhhhhi!!! sino yung naka lightblue na tshirt?
me: si ramon?
chi: basta yung naka skyblue na shirt.
me: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! SI RAMON NGA! BAKIT?
chi: ang C*** (sorry ramch bawal immune sa ka sa words na yun.) NIYA!
me: SIGURADO KA??? NABABALIW KA NA CHICHI!
chi: hinde!!! sure ako! *smiles*
me: uhm.... chi.... ano.... KAMI NA NIYAN.
chi: WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! di nga tin?
me: OO CHI... kami na.. MAGKAIBAGAN! niloloko lang kitaaaa!!! smile!
chi: akala ko tuloy. ikaw talaga!


oi. ramon crush ka daw ng kaibigan ko. masasakal kita. eh may bf yun. sasapakin kita. joke! tiemple love ko yang si ichan... hahaha. 1 day crush lang naman daw so balik dikong daw siya. oh yeah!^^,

pambansang laro ng mga walang magawa sa buhay ang uno.


uhm. ipis... ipis ipis...IPIS...



slamat sa scrap book... i LOVE IT!^^,



waaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! napakasaya lang ng araw na yun.^^,





cut...wala na ako masabi. i decided to write kung mejo feel ko na.... not in the mood eh... nasayadong... uhm.... TAMAD.... (that's the word!)





nakakahawa ang sakit mo heneral... as promised sa 507???-__-; sana? i hope?^^, hahaha.




whatever...




wala na ako masabi....

can i just share!!! this is the HAPPIEST DAY or ONE OF THE HAPPIEST DAY of my LIFE!!!

okay.. "we" just settled a fight with team konoha... and i'm so freeki'n NERVOUS!!! argh! maybe because i was thinking of him---playing with me...

so it started with me... (this stupid writer) who entered school at 7:00 AM (how stupid is that?) and i waited until it's physics...

i was with gladys and mon waiting for time to pass by.... boredome struck us so i thought "why not CHANGE A LOOK FOR TODAY?"

so... hmm... we got our hair done!^^, yey!

mon had to borrow claculator so we had to got to our room extra early. we decided to take the elevator. to my surprise.. HE WAS THERE! i can't take the elavator! (why? baka mahimatay ako sa kilig... and besides... i would look like a stalker noh?) so i decided to go with the stairs. his friend was calling me and i don't want to look back. (why? i'm super shy.)

inside the room: rescent comments from brye.. "buhay kayo ngayon" >_< (ngayong araw lang na to? haha. kidding.) so i was in our usual room... he had his stats.. our room is like 1 ft apart. i was looking outside when he went outside!!! i immediately hid on the tables... i was sooooooooooooo shy... when our prof came in, she said that we will move to room 405 B... the room NEXT TO HIS!!! i really can't concentrate! i don't know if i was excempted or not!!! plus my hands are super sweaty plus for pete's sake... I FORGOT MY CALCULATOR! so pilipinas! kamusta pa ako diba?

when i entered the room... i thought i was still going to push for the exmas... well... I WAS EXCEMPTED! (the prof gave the grades and that's it.) hahahahaha! i thought i was going to take the freeki'n test with sweaty and trembling hands with no calculator...


i was outside the room... and i was peaking at his room. damn it. he's so cute?^^, (even though all i can see is his back with his polo and bag... and his id strap...)^^, ahahaha! (shi*t malala ka na talaga tin.) he was taking his exmas and all i did was STARE at him... so cute talaga... darn it! when he went outside... ni "hi" wala. their class was on a "badtrip mode" with their stat prof.


my mom texted the same time they went outside. i had no choice but to down to talk to my mom. can i just share how crappy the timming was? HE WAS ALSO GOING DOWN! i looked like half a stalker!>_<... what i did was when they were walking i overtaked them... argh! some one texted me on my fone and i saw... HIS MESSAGE.. "ano? tuloy ba?" i think he texted because he saw me overtaked him thinking the match was then and there. eh hindi naman. i talked to my mom over the car and went immediately back to school.

as i went back to ou room, i gathered all the guys ready for dota. line up- me, waps, ben, leader... we lack one... so we got this guy...*******. so we met up at ever... grabe! when we were entering, they were going out. i pretended that i did not see anything. then some one came over our turf. "SAN TAYO MAGLALARO?" i jumped! i was so surprised with the voice. it was BBBBBBBBBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG! so i did not mind looking at that person. maybe that guy was talking to some one else. my friends were all looking at me. and i asked, "BAKIT KAYO NAKATINGIN SAKIN? sino ba yung nagtatanong?"... all of them were smiling.. and i looked back, it was HIM..... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! ang lakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkki ng bossssssssssses niya!!!


i was so scared and surprised... huhuhu. so finally we played at mayhem. when he reserved 11 pc's for us, he came to me and said, "wait lang iniintay namin yung isang kasama namin." (i jumped! nakakagulat kasi ung voice niya. damn his voice is huge!) and waps was doing impersonations of him and taking "RALPHUNZEL" for his name. waps was teasing me with ralph! i was laughing out loud i can't concentrate!

for the first match, we LOST. we had super crappy heroes plus we didn't take them seriously. plus we need to asses how good they were. and presto! we knew... they were.. GOOOOOOOOD.

we lost the 2nd match because of one guy in our team. i want to kill hiiiiiim! after that match, i really can't take it. sakit sa pride na we lost and now we're running for a rematch with them. hai.


after that? brye was still playing. so we played!^^, COUNTER STRIKE! i was a newbie with counter strike. evertime i lost, a message would pop "tin loves ralph" and when i win, this message woudld show, "rlaph loves tin" (argh! lakas ng trip talaga! parang ewan lang ah!?) i didn't know the configurations for that and i played along with brye.. when i got a grip with counter?

i was running on a KILLING SPREE I WTH BRYE! and almost all of the message would read "ralph loves tin"... i said "brye!!! tanggalin mo na nga yang message na yan?" he said, "wwwwoh... kinikilig ka naman?" perfect timming, grace and eli went there. grace was so noisy? she screamed... "BA'T RALPH NAKALAGAY DYAN SA MESSAGE? OY! RALPH LOVES TIN!"... i wanted to explode because his PC was on the other end of the row!!! OMG!!! i feel like pissing! and killing marie grace!!! i think he was smiling..>_< damn it! super nakakahiya!!!


hai....can i just share? sabay din kami umuwi!!!^^, i was soooooooooo happy! hahaha.^_^

i gave him a cd (which i spent 3 hours sorting and burning) plus the letter which took and hour to make.^___________^ hahahaha.... nilibre pa niya ako ng pamasahe for the jeep.^_^ i'm soooooooooooooo happy!..... hai... super kwentuhan lang talaga sa jeep...best day ever.




i wanted to see him next sem... i wish team konoha would enroll at the 2nd day.^_^








fat chance tin. i super duper mega over like him! and i'm going to die if i will not see him... :'(
hahaha. i miss him.




death wish:

be with him and die right now for this nonsense

will i be one of the most hypocrite ass you will ever meet if i told you that MY CRUSH THING WITH YOU KNOW WHO (yuck harry potter? nerd tin...) is OVER? DONE? END? or whatever you want to call it?

i'm crossing the bounderies of insanity! you want to know how insane i am? get this... i'm ONE OF THE CANDIDATES for exemption in our PHYSICS CLASS... well that's still subject for approval of my prof... i wish i could pass our test today so i won't take that sorry ass test.

argh! i've got ONE WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK... or worse... 1 day to see him! argh! i really hate this! i like to sue my self for not having the courage to tell him! if it was as easy as a pie..


me: uhm... hi!

him: ..... (ang weird naman ng taong to.)

me: i... i... i...

him: huh?

me: *sweaty hands* i uhm... kinda... sorta.. lika...parang... may pagka.. mejo.. slight... *sayaw kikay... sayaw kikay...* like you.

him: o_O?

seeeeeeeeeeeeeee? this is how i pirctured our normal conversation. damn it!

i'm super insane up to the point... i sneaked up in his class room (after i finished my physics test... and of course he's out, he just finished his exam... bummer....) i drew one of the tables a cute picture of him... well of course it's not in stick figure. (duh? eh di hindi na niya nalaman na siya yun?) hahahahaha. ^_^

phew. when will this be over? i really wish i could see him next sem. you see... he's not in the NURSING course... he's on MT... (hush.)

i don't want him to leave AHSE nor the tome of nurses in our university----the NB.. :'(

i really felt sad when i knew that i got one sem more to see him. when i go to third year, we're on seperate roads. :'(*drama freek*.... *and right now i feel like screwing him for taking up MT...kidding... what a selfish jerk*


any way... *sigh* i want this feeling over. can i just share? i love oreos. that's all i eat and i start to miss him again. :'( *so feeling mo tin theme food niyo yan? what a looser*


waaaaaaaaaaa!!! i'm writing about him again? argh! i hate it.>_<>

"every now and then, when i'm all alone. i've been wishing you would call me on the telephone. SAY YOU WANT ME... BUT YOU NEVER DID... I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FOOL..."

senti ate? ei. that's it/ i'm sooooooooooo glad everything's over...^^, i'm just waiting for the results on our toeic and uhm... our physics subject. har har. ^^,

i write today to tell you how my life changed ever since i started anatomy.

GOD am i a sinner?

okay....

i was really FREEKED out on our lesson.---the reproductive system. well it was pseudo okay when we discuss it with all girls in the class when i was in high school... but NOW with BOYS???

argh! i hate this! i really had a hard time knowing the male rep. parts! seriously! it won't come into my head! is it my fault that i was schooled in an ALL GIRLS PRIVATE SCHOOL who doesn't discuss anything about THE MALE KIND?

there's no male in our school except the manong and some sirs that teach... and that's where all of the girls on our school would droooooooooool... (i.e. sir zeraspe eeew, can i just share? sir viloria, etc...)

yuuuuuuuuuuuuck.. i hate this. i can't concentrate! it's like everytime i see it I LAUGH OUT LOUD!!! and when the lecture came? i was laughing all day! i really can't imagine myself memorizing those things! and actually disccussing it... with MEN! ooooooooooh crap...
brye, van and grace my beloved friends... would make "banat" or talk about my crush's...you knooooooooooooow...

okay... they had those sizes? senorita what ever they call it... plus they have those measurements that i don't seem to understand. why? becuause i was SCREAMING! i don't know... i can't understand!!! huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuuhu.....


i don't know if i'm going to be in the state of perfect bliss (did i just say that??? *okay... arrector pilli rises up*) or laugh it all out loud, or be freeked in it....

i'm sooooooooooooo messed up. and when our finals for lab came? BLANKO AKO SA MALE REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM... (-15 points... damn it. )


any hoo... enough about that topic.

you know what? i really don't understand this... WHY.. ALL OF PEOPLE... did i like you huh? it really amazes me that i can't stand a minute just staring at you... you throw me to oblivion touchiung the hands of paradox... saved by the silence' embrace. kissed by nothingness...

see? i really really like you! and i'm really tired of running... i want to see you everyday. it makes me crazy everytime they call your name. argh! i want my heart to stop beating or my hands shake...

can you do that? i guess you can't. i know you know... but... why can't i have the courage to tell you huh? i really hate it....

i started dressing up for you! you just don't know the trouble to find the perfect hair, face, dress for you! argh! hindi mo parin pansin? i want to cry.... the sem will end and i'm not a 100% sure if i can still see you.... i miss you soooooooooooooo bad...