the title says it all...

you made me a fool again...

for how long? how many more years should i wait huh?

how many times should i sit here all alone like i'm some kind of a lost pup?

if i could just put my face near yours and tell it straight into your lips that...

i am tired... i am sick of you leaving me.... im sick of your every thought....

but what? all i can do is wait and wait.... how many have gone pass through me?

they all looked at me and smiled... offered their hand... but still, i won't go with them...

not until i saw your face in their place...

you know what? if you just knew how much i have loved you...

after all those years?... looks like i end up the mighty fool...

all those good people who have come... yet..... i can't have you...

why make things complicated? i want to get out. when will you get me? will you still mind

or rather remember getting me?... i'm crying agin... all those tears for you. i'm whispering your

name every night. hoping that those words could fly up to the skies maybe someone

could hear them...

i want you to wrap your arms around me. i want you to hold my hands and

never let go. i want you to now.

yet all i can do now is... stare up the skies... look for the north star of oblivion... then dream of

dancing across the moonlit floor.... pray and whisper your name a thousand times... maybe

then? you'll come and get me.....

okay. so my blog is pretty messy. i don't have time. so before i start my super crappy life....

i would like to say my apologies to ichian and chi. guys, sorry i dropped out of ym. hindi dahil andun si jessie or anything. my DAD PULLED THE PLUG SA NET. *boohoo....*:( he said i WASN'T STUDYING HARD ENOUGH! grrrrrr.... and i'm downloading take the lead in the net sabay..... 82% STOPED. what the f??? kainis. super. sorry and super sorry again ichian for not comming in NCAA's opening. tu pui chi.... tu pui chi....:'( i still have to do my anat notes that time... i'm really sorry.... :)

uhm... jessie? uhmm... sorry. talagang dc yun.

people don't have time to look at my blog. *bohoo* i just went in to pao's story. well it actually kind of hit me with what pao said na "inaasar ko lang si raffy" in his tagboard. it looks like i'm being used to make raffy irritated? aw. i'm feeling oh so happy with the story and then i realize it's acutaly made to iritate him. i'm so ashamed. i'm so sorry. i don't know how to face him anymore or everyone actually. i might as well spend my birthday all alone. advance happy 18th bday tin....what a surprise. i guess there will be more surprises instored for me in my birthday. i might as well laugh at it instead of crying again. hahahahaha. joke.

hmm... okay.... here is my subject code...

1. RLE (Related Learning Experience) i.e. the CHAKA subject. as in!!! i'm super pissed with this subject. infairness, the teacher is SUPER CHAKA... plus her tests are SUPER CHAKA CHAKA CHAKA... as in. in gay linggo? chaka means... PANGET.
2. ENGLISH 2 i.e. SUMMARY. the f***? this subject realy freaks me out! for every meeting she asks for the summary of the previous lessons which takes 30-45 mins or so? the hell? so.... in that subject? MUKA AKO SUMMARY.
3. ANATOMY i.e. CHRISTIAN LIVING. balik grade school? the heck? our prof discusses God.... all the time... ALL THE TIME! i'm going NUTS!!!T_T i'm a yfc member (sorry papa Jesus) it's not bad to discuss Him once in a while but it's cutting OUR ANATOMY TIME INTO BIBLE CLASS! T_T... this subject is supr BORING! i sleep at anatomy classes but i really don't know how i get those test scores? haha.:) maybe i'm a psychic or something.:D
4. COMPUTER i.e. LA SALLE PERIOD. hai... THEREEEEE!!! prof. linngo comes to class SUPER KALOG. it's like he had mothballs or katol every night before our actual meeting! *cheap ah.* yeah, well that's what most people say in DLSU plus the word... "EEEEEW and CHEAP ah..." ayun. :)
5. SWIMMING i.e. SAUNA TIME. o diba? sauna in swimming? weird. because after you take a bath? it gets super hot inside. damn it. napawisan ka din? what's the use of taking a freeking bath? this is the 100% fat loss program offered in feu. wanna join?

hmmm. i can't feel a thing in my heart. yup. im a programed bot for a sem. as always... i hate my life. yah think it's fun being me? no it's not. i have stopped dating 2 months ago? i can't hang around my friends that much? i can't eat that much because i lack time? crimeney.... ayoko na talaga.

hai.... these subjects are killing me. everything that surrounds me is killing me...i don't want to study any more.:( somebody pull a trigger in my head.

hai! i'm really getting tired! i don't even have a normal life... boo tin... i feel that i'm slowly turning into a mutated zombie! crap. i have seriously HUGE eyebags (which i got from my health care and anat class) and from my sleepless nights due to STUDYING. i feel i'm breathing my xerox copies and my books! i'm really pissed. i don't see my friend that much. and the price? i really get high scores! but... i'm so mad at my self. why? because with all the perfection that i have? floating in the air having really nice grades?... *sigh* i feel blinded. well, i really find it hard ACCEPTING THAT I FAIL or I HAVE MISTAKES! argh! this sucks. feeling ko nagiging feeling ako. my friends say "tin hindi ka naman feeling."

hai, it's been weeks! i really feel happy with my blockamtes at school. but somthing really ticks me off...

1. anatomy and phsysiology units: 5 Holy ****! what the f****? if i fail this subject? see you next year tin. i suck at this. well, i just got a perfect score in my anat test---BUT COME ON! how dorky can i get!? i read the freeking book and make my own notes? people like me should be cursed for being dorks... seriuosly... i suck at this.... ex. "hay!!! you should enter at the ventral of the house!" or "ouch pare.... my hypogastric hurts like hell..." eeew....how crappy?
2. primary health care units:6 this is one of my subjects that would make you go "WHAT THE F****? WALA PA AKO TULOG WAG KA MUNA MANGALASKA!" why? mainly because you bearly sleep. i wanna puke every time i see my prof's face early in the moning and tell her... "mam.... i feel like shit. acn i go home now?" i fail this? i'll practically screw up my sorry ass and basically my sorry ass will be deported back next year.
3. physics 3 units BORING! this really ticks me off... grrrr... i just hate the prof for being so BORING and her subject which is also boring.

i'm really turning into a mutated freek huh? i feel that i have really short temper now a days. i keep my mouth shut. seriuosly? i just look at people and laugh. i guess it's like being thrown in sea of strangers.....i'm like a fisher man finding my fish. where are my fish? they are in la salle, beda, letran, mapua, ateneo, T.U.,chi-gen, UA&P....i really miss my friends. i really feel that i always have to wear this silent- serious type -dork mask at school.... it's so hard being yourself. i want to hug all of them..... it's so lonely.

life without peskering ramch 24/7, calling addi tatay kengkoy, 101 rides with jason, making male porno names with reb, dondee-kat being together, francis singing, pao sharing stories, raffy not returning my jacket but it's still okei kasi i'm with him naman,boy hunting escapades with pinggay, serious talks with jessie, kalokohan escapades with ches, heart to heart with dei, oops moments with prix and cha... hai..... i miss all of them..... even the "cutting classes" that i had playing dota with berclimmicks, tambayan sessions sa sm with tgis.... can i just share? highschool rocks my world. i really feel numb nowadays. i can only feel the pulse in my brain. my laife is shitty... crappy.....

ichian.... i like the story promise. fma inspired?:) hi pao! i love the story with raffy... it really makes me smile....raffy, try mo mag smart? that's so sweet.... i'll wait for you.... addi, im so happy for you and hanna, fran...sing for me some time...pao, tell me a story?:).... hai.... nay, reunion uli sa bahay niyo? overnyte sabay batuhan ng unan?...

hai.... i miss every body. i feel half empty. then.... marshmallow pa. hai. i;m sorry.... tui pu chi....

to sia people...

born robot ata ako this 1st sem....

ei!!! i have exactly 10 minutes before my ass gets burnt... well almost. im blogging 5 minutes before my class!!! 7:00 in the MORNING? what the f**** tin?

hmm.. after writing about how "sabishii" or "lonely" my heart felt like... i decided to well.. be PERKY for the day! yey! well.... i have't gone the whole day yet but it seems that beeing happy is very hard... i just found yesterday that bboy might leave the country and he didn't tell me... MAKA URAGON DAW BBOY!... it really hurts... pai se MARSHMALLOW KO.

hai. it's very difficult. after blogging and reading, i found out ichian is a very good writer too! i'm very happy for you. :) i'm really looking forward reading your story. ay! put "blood"/"gore" in it. parallel to the fma in animax.:) yey! galing galing ichian. now i would look forward reading ichian ang pao pao's story.

i really like reading. it gives me a picture what people feel inside and out. maybe ichian is writing his heart out or pao writing his own fantasies...hai. look what emotions do? isn't that amazing? atleast "sila" meron pa nun. ako ata deprived? haha.:)

hai, enough sour graping... i would get form for "this school" sa july/august. i wouldn't go to the "other school" na kasi it's very FAR from our house. i think it's better if i go to this school at least it's near my dad's office. hmm... this shcool is my "fall back" in case i piss my sorry ass self in the battery exam... hai tin tin... GO!:)

huling habilin: uhm... for THOSE DLSU FREEKS *sorry dei.* THAT KEPT ON ADDING ME UP SA FRIENDSTER KO? PWEDE? MAGTIGIL? IT'S REALLY PISSING ME OFF.... AS IN. PLEASE... GIVE ME A LIFE? OR BETTER YET... HAVE A LIFE. LOL. OVER MY DEAD BODY. :) CHING. i.e. my KUYA... wala kayong makukuha sakin. peace!:D

yesterday was dei's birthday... happy bday mama dei! awabyu talaga...:) i enjoyed seeing my old friends back... well bohoo for me... i woke up i knocked myseld on the door...*ouch masakit ang mata/ulo ko...* and i banged my foot sa ladder ng double deck... *awww...:(*... when i took of my clothes today... i realized that...

1. my chest is red
2. my stomach is red
3. my back is pseudo red
4. my legs are kinda red...
5. ALL OF THEM ARE FREEKING ITCHY!!!

i think i had acohol? shox... kuya bartender gave me FREE DRINKS! he said "sagot na namin yan... hahahah.." nie waiters at moomba ah? i will miss them too... well for being the best jackasses that made my head swirl...0_O?

anyhoo... waaaaaaaaaaa!!! dei!!! chowee talaga....T_T chowee... tui pu chi!!! TUI PU CHI!!!T_T chowee talaga ah?:D but i had fun... oooooooooooy... comander mark ah? har har....he's looking at you playing the piano... wahahahaha...:) naks d mo kasi pinapansin... yun. i really had a fun time..:D

hmm.. time for somthing serious... i dream of dancing.... with 5 people....

My memory of him, brings the pain The despair of being alone again...

one.... i was dancing out love begging for forgivness...

In one flash we were up in the air But he lost his grip and went astray

two... i was dancing out of love that was impossible like of stars that an't be reached

His images ran here in my mind Expecting again that he'll be mine

three... i was dancing out of love that was never meant to be said...

We met again my feelings were still intact But he went away, and turned his back

four... i was dancing out of love that was so innocent... silence was enough to speak unuttered words...

Insanity only relieves the pain Left me like a fool soaked in the rain

five???... i was dancing out of love with complete joy... yet filled with so muh bitterness in my heart....

Is this the love i seek through ages The fantasy i've been longing for He told me it would be for the best To stay away and leave his mess

5 men.... 5 times hurt... i dunno... this sucks.. i wanted to cry... ano pa kaya kung sa BDAY ko sila lahat magpuntahan? i feel my heart would sink... my heart would stop beating... all of them looking at me... each with their own thoughts i can't read... i still have to smile at them right? and maybe stop being foolish and instead of drawing back tears i should be smiling really big?

i just hate this..... i feel i've been running away with the truth ever since he left me flying in the skies...and ever since that day.... i feel i've been turning out people who are really good from the inside.....

i'm so scared of being hurt again... so scared of crying... so scared of being a fool blinded by his smile, embrace, whisper....

ayoko na talaga... i feel running is the simple answer... yet as run..... things become... more complicated... i don't know who would i choose.... i don't know what to do anymore....

i thought they forgot.... but they come back when i was...living in silence... living in smiles....

i want "him" to make me smile... all the time...afraid of crying again i suppose...

i want "him" to make me secure...

i want "him" to be strong

i want "him" to be always be there for me...

i want "him" to love my innosence...

i want "him" to want me just for being "me".... someone just for me...

A light shone down on me like Falling leaves...

maybe like sweet spring... i can feel the warmth of the rays from the sun again... feel the breeze caressing my face... feel the leaves brushing through my skin... feel the urge of wanting to live again....